The last stand

“Aneira, stop!”

“Don’t you dare move again!”

“Aneira, please!”

“Shut up!”

“Aneira!”

The cold wind blustered as it sliced my skin like a knife, leaving a few blood drops dripping behind. I tried as hard as I could to ignore the voices from the bottom of the cliff, but the cries echoed in my heart along with the memories that popped up one another in my mind, uncontrollably. I felt like I was going to faint, slithering forward in the snow draining every drop of strength, but the fire burning in my heart told me not to stop for a single second. The only image that appeared deep inside was all my teammates. The mountain continued to get steeper as I tumbled upwards. Suddenly, I lost my sense of touch. I tried to move forward, but I didn’t feel anything in front of me. My heart pounded fiercely.

“This is it.” I murmured to myself inside my heart, as I’ve already lost my voice “This, is the end.” Standing on the edge of the cliff, my body trembled from the freezing cold of the snow and ice coming up from my bare foot and the fear of death deep inside me. “Fourteen, and my life is going to end. But this is my responsibility as the captain. It was all my fault that my friends had to bear the cruel and brutal tortures and suffer because of my thoughtless decision-making. Maybe I shouldn’t have been too curious and slipped into this trap; maybe I shouldn’t have climbed up this mountain; maybe I shouldn’t even have taken this mission at all. I should’ve been more vigilant. What kind of investigation will require students to go to a steep and snowy mountain to collect samples! It’s a trick, why haven’t you thought of that!” The anger and regret once again filled up my heart – after all, it’s my fault.

Now, let me end this all.

I stood up slowly, unbalanced, and turned my body to my friends. I can hear some of them crying, and others calling my name. I wanted to yell, I wanted to explode, I wanted to cry wildly, but no tears came out of my blind eyes.

“Eric, Flora, Harris, Yolanda, and… Riv, I’m sorry.” I whispered. I couldn’t even hear my own voice and I wonder if they sound tired or sad “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you well. I want to see your faces again. I want them, to smile, again.” My heart pained and I couldn’t catch up my breath, as if a huge rock is pressing on me. I turned around, faced my graveyard, and tidied my hair and clothing one last time – I want to die decently, I’m never giving anyone a chance to take pleasure in my struggle in front of death. Pushing back one last curtain of brown hair from my eyes, I calmed my feelings and took a deep breath. All that’s left in my heart is relief and yearning mixed together.

How I wish to see him one last time! Riv, Riv, my only regret in my whole life. I still can’t make sure that every single one of his words were reliable, but how I hope they were true. My feet are prepared – with a single command from my brain it will take me to the sky, to the ground, and to the heaven. “Don’t cry, for… goodbye.”

“ANEIRA!”

I frowned.

“ANEIRA!!” The voice came closer.

It was him. It was… him?

“ANEIRA!!!”

I felt a hand grabbing on my shoulder, followed by a stifling hug that nearly suffocated me. It felt so unbelievable, filling a little warmth to this endless winter. It was him. It was surely him! I can feel his breath burning on my cheeks, arms hugging me so tight that they must belong to him, and his pricking clothes itching me as always.

“Aneira, Aneira… Please. Don’t leave me… d-don’t… don’t leave me. Aneira” Trembling, he mumbled in my ears, “I pine for you to this day, why, why do you must leave.” My heart was beating like crazy and I can even hear myself repeating “Riv, Riv”, but I could only shake my head like a billowing drum. “Please, I love you with all my heart, Aneira.” I could imagine him standing in front of me, a young but tall teenager wearing a slate gray winter coat that always had countless fluffs, while a pair of thick black trousers appeared under his worn coat edge. His aquamarine-like eyes are watching me with only infinite gentleness and caring filled in it. Gentleness? Ha, LIAR! Then I remembered everything he had done to me, and my teammates. Thinking of his actions and attitude, a pine just strokes my heart and indescribable pain spread all over my body. I pushed away the arms that surrounded me and took a step away from him.

“Aneira!” he seemed to be surprised “what—” my soulless eyes were on his. He sounded like he was hurt by my cold and detached pupils. “Such a pity that I couldn’t get to see your shocking face!” I cursed him inside. It must be him, it can’t be other than him. Only he knows that we’ve taken this mission, and only he knows what will really make me curious and want to explore more. He, was the one who tricked me and my friends.

But how could he! I thought we were, close… I guess my eyes were filled with tears by now. I’ve once believed in one totally, one hundred percent, and now I can only laugh at myself for being credulous, too easy to trust another.

“Aneira, listen to me explain, please. I don’t want you to leave, I truly don’t! Please!” I can hear the desperate in his voice, but how can I satisfy him. The next words however, dragged my mind back. “I didn’t know it was you! I thought it was just like the other tasks the government assigned to me. I came here immediately after I knew that you were the one trapped. Please listen to me, I really don’t want you to die. Aneira, please come back, I will figure out a way, I promise! Trust me, please!”

“You’ve harmed my friends, tortured them, and even put me into this situation seeking for death. I don’t need your mercy, I don’t need your sympathy, and I don’t need YOU!” these words converted into my frost face. I took another step away, and turned my back to him. He might be heartbroken or maybe not even a fluctuation will occur in his feelings – to me, his actions are unforgivable, I no longer care anymore. If the government doesn’t want my existence, then I’ll just wipe out all the traces I’ve left in this world before. You don’t have to try to convince me to stay, it just won’t work.

I will miss the world, and him, though.

“ANEIRA!”

That was the last word I heard before I lost my consciousness. I left behind the rock inside my heart and relieved. My body was like a feather – light and soft, prepared for landing.

Only whistling of the wind remains, echoing.